The truth about Jelly....

I spend an hour of my life today trying to understand what the heck Peas and Jelly had to do with my lecture on cartilage.

For just about every subject we have a different professor. The majority of those professors come from different countries and english is their second language. Today my professor redefined the theory of a "language barrier." The word cartilage sounded like carnage, and the word extracellular came out like egraclar. If it weren't for the powerpoint slides in front of me, I wouldn't even be able to distinguish what topic she was even lecturing on! The best par is after she was done explaining the subject, she decided to give an analogy. And Still, I have no idea what peas? and jelly? have to do with it. Or even if she said the words pea and jelly at all! The sad thing about this entire situation is that she will be my lecturer for the entire week on bone and cartilaginous tissue. Looks like someone is gonna have to do a lot of outside reading!

Time to get down to business.... Mini 1 is in exactly a week.

Le Miserables, without the Le and the S

Yeah, you got it. I'm miserable. I just finished my third week of class and the "mini" exam is in a week and two days. I have piles of notes to memorize and even more sample questions to attempt to answer. These questions are no joke either. Our class is 400+ students right now. They expect that by next semester, half of those people will have failed out. And let me tell you it is thanks to their ridiculous multiple choice questions. You get 120-130 questions and two hours and a half hours to do them. So with long vignettes as the questions (which takes 3 minutes to read and understand), you are supplied with five choices. Each of which are very similar, or part of a which is false or which is correct theme. So of those answers, you are quite sure you know the answer. You draw the dreaded circle around the letter and are actually quite confident that you are right. DUN DUN DUnnnnn... then you see the answer. The difference between the answer that you chose and the correct one was the prefix intra, instead of inter. So as you are trying to quickly answer this questions in the time constraint, you seem to glaze over the single important detail. WTF right? haha So now I have come to the conclusion that it isn't how much you know, it is how you are able to answer the demented questions that are thrown at you. What a boost of confidence right?? Especially when it is a topic you have studied for days and know cold!

I am also miserable for another reason. Being that I have only this weekend and next weekend left to study, I need to utilize my time wisely. I do not want to be one of the students that fails my first mini. I mean it is a BIG deal, this is the rest of my life we are talking about. But unfortunately, life's throwing some serious curve balls at me that I am having turning them into home runs. Truthfully, I shouldn't even have to dream of these things, but for some reason, in my first semester of medical school, it is all falling in on me. Why me, why now???

"I never thought I'd be in this place, there must be some mistake... and I don't know how much more I can take. I am breaking at the cracks, and everything goes black. It's another heart attack, and I can't handle that. " Thanks Colbie.

So needless to say, I am trying to get through this, lacking any real support system. (aside from my awesome friends I have met here) The one person who should be there for me right now, is falling into the background.

Colbie also said....

"If that's the way you love, you've got to learn so much.... I've cried, so go on, go on and break my heart, I'll be okay, there is nothing you can do to me, that is ever gonna break me, so go on, go on and leave my love out on the street, I am fearless, you better believe I'm fearless."

Tomorrow starts the marathon of studying, and I am leaving my worries behind, because I don't deserve that.... I deserve to be FEARLESS.

The Flight of the Bumblebee...

For those of you who know me, it was the career path that was laid out in front of me, that I chose not to take. But still, I find comfort in the soft melodies and beautiful lyrics.

My mind has been racing. I sat down to study and I felt my heart fluttering to The Flight of the Bumblebee. I can't concentrate on any one thing, let alone histology. So I opened up my playlist and began searching for a song.... and there it was. I hit play and let the lyrics filter through my mind. It was instantly clear to me as to why I was preoccupied and couldn't think. I let the music continue to play, and allowed the song to say out loud what I have been thinking all along.....

For an hour now, I have quietly echoed the lyrics in my mind.... I love music. Music is a free ticket around the world. It takes you to new depths, engages raw emotion and can often trigger things that you had forgotten. (Or maybe wish you'd forgotten) And for that, I love it. Listening to music is how I soul-search. It is how I escape from reality, even if for only a few minutes....

The face of mortality...or lack thereof

A surreal day in the Anatomy Lab.

Today I first encountered my 82 year old, male, cadaver who died of respiratory failure. As we unzipped the body bag and peered in, we saw a man. Not a cadaver for dissecting, but a man with distinct features, a man who had a story, a story that his body will eventually tell us. Although his face was partially dissected, I could see he was pretty rough around the edges. He had the reminisce of a beard and ungroomed finger and toenails, and most of all, he was obese.

Aside from the burning fumes of formaldehyde, my first day in lab was pretty awesome. Everyone reacts differently when starring at the face of mortality, but for once, I was able to look at it with an inspiring twist. Perhaps one day I will be able to prevent the problems that lead to this mans demise. On Thursday I will actually be able to do the dissecting and perhaps learn a little more about the man who graciously lent his body to science.

Sleeping Soundly...

Yay! Officially through with my first week of medical school! This may not sound like a big milestone, but it truly symbolizes my embarkment on a new profession. The dedication and determination that is required to become a medical doctor.

Today was quite a good day. For the first time I was able to relate what I learned in class, to something that has effected my own personal life. I realized, that learning biochemistry and understanding physiology creates the ground work for understanding all of the important diseases that plague us as humans. I am not gonna lie, I started to hate biochemistry at first. But the second I was able to apply the information given, I learned to be passionate about it. So I thought I would share with you what I learned today....

My Grampy and Nonie both have very similar neurodegenerative diseases, although their symptoms manifest in very different ways. Both are a result of protein misfolding. Instead of the protein forming into its alpha helical structure, it forms beta pleated sheets within the protein. These abnormally folded proteins then produce an aggregate that is unable to be degraded. This aggregate is that that a fibril or amyloid plaque. These plaques are what causes Nonie's Alzheimer's and Grampy's Parkinson's disease. Interesting huh? Regardless of whether you understand what I just shared or not, you can see how such a small disruption in our normal cell function can create many grave diseases such as the ones that affect my loved ones. I would say that today was a day of revelation and correlation. A day that truly solidifies my reason for being here in Dominica.

Today was also the White Coat Ceremony. The day where I was actually presented as a student of the medical profession. The professor placed the symbolical white coat on my shoulders and said "welcome." Welcome to the next stage in the rest of my life. I plan to take it day by day, and week by week in order to stay grounded and keep my head from spinning. So tonight after finishing my notes for all the lectures I have had this week, I will sleep soundly knowing that I have the weekend to review and solidify what I have learned.....and perhaps catch a sunset on the beach and see a few series of the football games this weekend! GO BUCS!

It's a learning thing....

So typically, when you learn something you can do one of two things with the piece of information. Remember it for the present task at hand, or remember it for the present and future.

4 days into my medical education, I learned the above lesson well. It seems that my modes of studying in undergrad came and bit me from behind. Not only has it been 4 years since I graduated, but I have learned that I never TRUELY learned anything at all. Yes, this is an exaggeration, but I spend the past few nights RE-LEARNING everything I though I already knew, plus the new information they are filling my head with! Overwhelming indeed. Every single class is related, so if you don't understand a pathway in one class, it can greatly hinder your understanding of another subject. Note to self, LEARN EVERYTHING.... and Learn for the future, not for today.

Now to the island.... Dominica really isn't that bad.

Food, is by far one of the most revolting topics I can think of. I have never in my life had so much anxiety when it comes to eating! Right by campus is a little place called the "Shacks". And yes, they look like shacks. Like all other places to eat in Dominica, I force myself to think of where the food comes from and how they keep the chicken and fish cold. Or what happens when they lose power? (which happens quite often here) Do they throw out the food? I mean it can't possibly stay cold in 100 degree weather without power! Not to mention the overabundance of bugs on this island swarming all over the restaurants. The thought of it makes me walk straight home and grab a protein bar from my cupboard!

Aside from the random bugs and terrible food, the island life is quite rewarding. I mean who would have thought that by just going to class I would lose 10 pounds and get a tan? The downside to that, is the terrible farmers tan from my backpack, and the drenched sports bra chilling my spine as the AC in class kicks on. But overall, life is good.

I am trying extremely hard to find the time study everything that was in a days worth of lectures. Example: We have 2 hours of Biochemistry and 2 hours of Histology lecture in the morning. And then we start in the afternoon with Anatomy Lab. (yes, we dissect real cadavers...more on that when I actually get to do the cutting!) At the end of the day, sometimes it is 5:30 by the time I get home. Now I have to incorporate 4-8 hours of lecturing into my night's studies so I don't fall behind. You do the math, but it turns out to a lot of late nights. And as I stated above, I have to go above and beyond that because my basic science recall is not so great. Let me just say I am looking forward to the weekend so I can review everything I learned and hopefully solidify most of it in my brain!

Off to another lecture.... Radiologic Anatomy.